Is it that a lot of fat skanks are Cubs fans or that a lot of Cubs fans are fat skanks?
I don’t understand Miracle Whip, much less mayonnaise in general.
Never, ever, tell anyone that you found out about your friend having had anal sex the hard way, and then don’t make a comment about a number of fingers, however unrelated it may be.
I look for my blury self in the background of other people’s photos and comment on it
Air Force One is a great movie in that with all its incredibly dated special effects, it still gives you chills.
I want to open a business called “Cut & Roll” that does drive thru haircuts.
Deodorant wouldn’t be as popular if it was called Un-Stink.
Have you ever sat near somebody who smelled so much like sour milk that you attempted to wish away your oxygen dependency?
Pretending to be a Leprachaun in an improv scene does not make you Irish.
Apparently eating an ear and a half of corn makes it ok to eat a large amount of latkes (fried potatoe pancakes), or at least that’s what I’m telling myself.
Work becomes incredibly boring when you run out of new episodes of Red vs Blue to watch.
It’s really bad when you’ve just jogged a mile and a half and you walk by someone that clearly has not been working out, but still smells worse than you do.
Soccer (futbol) and hacky sack are similar, but the skills of each are not directly transferable to the other.
Upon seeing the cubs up 6-0 in the first inning, my supervisor: “What happened, they finally figure out they’re playing baseball?”
What about the Nigerian princes that legitimately have $87 million and are trying to escape the country?